The Smile Game

It’s easy to slip into a rut and go through life hurried, busy and focused on whatever goal’s in front of you. That’s sort of the way Western society works. Individualism. Disconnection. Privacy.

This scene from Waking Life gets right to the heart of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDWEkzaBULQ
Certainly, there’s pleasure in solitude. I love to connect with myself through inward meditation, calm and the opportunity to find my quiet centre – it’s something I do daily on my morning runs. On the other hand, lack of contact can also bring with it the possibility of loneliness, isolation and despair. I remember many times, walking through a crowd and feeling deeply frustrated by the level of disconnection I felt. Ant mode.

After seeing Waking Life, and this scene in particular, I wanted things to be different. I didn’t want to be an ant anymore. It made me look at how I functioned in the world and want to change the sense of disconnection I was feeling. But how to break through that wall?

It all started with a decision to create change via experiment. I began to play a game with myself where I would smile at strangers and note their reaction. I’ve been playing what I call The Smile Game for many years now. When I’m in a social situation where disconnection is the norm – on the bus, shopping in a busy store or inching my way through traffic congestion – I smile intentionally, honestly and openly at strangers. After almost a decade of playing this game, I can tell you the most common reaction is a smile in return. Sometimes shy, sometimes confused, and best of all broad and open. A simple kind gesture, returned. The remarkable thing is that it changes the climate. What once felt like a grouchy, possibly tense environment becomes warmer, friendly and comfortable. Suddenly, you are not a single person in a group of people, but you have earned a comrade. Then another. And another.